Sat 6th Aug – 2nd XI v Beddington

DULWICH 79-2 (15.1) beat BEDDINGTON 78 (29.5) by 8 wickets


Dulwich faced Beddington on a warm summer Saturday at the DSG. Availability had been far stronger this week, with John 'Daddy' Morris, hero of Addiscombe and father(-figure) to all those under the age of 26, suffering the indignity of being dropped and recalled within two days. Skipper Bridgland returned from his groin strain having been given the 'all-clear' from a physio recommended by Raj 'The Tulsman' Tulsiani. Bridgland informed us that his recovery had been thanks to a series a streches which involved standing firm and clenching his buttocks. The Tulsman, fearing that he had given Bridgland the wrong number, grinned sheepishly. Also returning was underaged paceman Sam 'McLovin' Ellison, whom Daddy Morris asked 'How is it going with the Ladies?'. McLovin replied 'It is not the "going" I'm worried about…but the "coming"'; Daddy Morris was overwhelmed with fatherly pride.

Bridgland won the toss and elected to bowl, much to the dismay of the Beddington skipper. Bridgland shared the new pill with Hawaiian native McLovin, and was immediately successful thanks to an intimidating long-hop. McLovin followed suit, bowling Beddington's number 3 with one of the best balls of the day. By the end of their opening spell, the pair had removed five of the Beddington batsmen thanks to some good bowling and poor shot selection. With Beddington in disarray, wicket-thief and professional northerner James 'Thirsty' Hirst was brought into the attack. Without any provocation, Thirsty regaled the batsmen with a tale of his new mystery ball dubbed the 'Poosra'. The Poosra, whose precise definition is unknown even to Thirsty, is probably a half-tracker which squelches as it lands thus confounding the Batsmen. Needless to say, it was surely bowled and Thirsty, in combination with Daddy Morris' shorts enthusiast Chris Woakes five years ago Matt 'Up-and-Down' Quaife, winkled out the remaining batsmen for just 78. One dismissal was of note as it coincided with discussion of the title of Tino Best's new autobiography between Steve 'AJ' Patanker and Euan 'Chaos Engine' Johnson.

Tea had come embarassingly early, and those of us who were still picking lunch out of our teeth went over to watch the conclusion of the 3rd XI innings and another Matt Balch red inker.

Play had resumed to the surprise of the majority of the team. The Tulsman was opening with Andy 'The VP' Inglis. The Tulsman carved up the opening bowlers with a flourishing blade whilst the VP took advantage of an 8-1 offside field. Both were playing with panache and brio, until the Tulsman got a fine edge behind for 27. This brought this reporter to the crease, eager to prove my worth and merit Bridgland's trust. I was to do neither as I was bowled by a yorker first ball. I lumbered back to the hutch, and, once again, wallowed in my chagrin. Fortunately, the Chaos Engine was determined to not get out, even as he found the middle of his gloves early on. The VP continued and finished with 43 not out as he brought victory to Dulwich without any further falter.

Following confirmation of promotion, via Pat 'TFC' George's untrustworthy friend, much beer was imbibed especially by Thirsty who was last seen chinning three pints in thirty seconds.

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