Sat 19th May – 7th XI v Kingstonians

KINGSTONIANS 59 lost to DULWICH 60-2 by 8 wickets

DULWICH 7TH BOWLERS TIE KINGSTONIANS IN KNOTS
MALIK PERFORMS INDIAN ROPE TRICK, GIBSON DISPLAYS UNCHARACTERISTIC PARSIMONY

For the second successive week Dulwich 7th’s recorded an efficient victory. This time against Kingstonians. This is now equal to the number of victories they recorded in the whole of last season. What made this victory all the more remarkable was the fact that it was gained without the team spending their usual hour-long preparation of physical warm-up exercises, rigorous fielding routines and grooving and throwdown sessions. Skipper Smith eschewed these practices by, instead, dragooning the entire team into a series of IQ and initiative tests based around the age-old problem of how to uncoil a newly purchased boundary string. For the buspass holders in the team, this proved to be a knotty problem and several of them felt a bit ropey by the time the task was completed. (Ed’s note: please can we be spared anymore jokes about being strung out, never the twine shall meet or tempers getting frayed round the edges). In fact, it is quite possible that the game might not have started at all were it not for the intervention of two 7th XI stalwarts from previous campaigns (Clark Osborne and Mike Owen) who used every skill they had learned under the skilled tutelage of Baden Powell and his deputies whilst members of the 21st Camberwell Cub pack in 1983. At length, the rope was laid out around the boundary. The Kingstonian batsmen, however, did little to disturb its pristine condition.

Dulwich’s opening bowlers Saxophonist O’Higgins and Performance Artist Malik found themselves lassooing one wicket after another. Malik, in particular, put a string of wickets together (including that of Fawad – last year’s centurion). Fawad was out for a duck to a good slip catch by Blench. Unfortunately, Blench’s catching skills deserted him later in the innings, but it is the not the job of this reporter to dwell on the odd blemish in what was a pretty efficient win by the team. Rehan Malik, with his brisk fast medium deliveries returned the excellent figures of 5 for 27. Lindsey Morton also returned a very satisfactory 5 overs, 1 maiden, 7 runs conceded for 1 wicket. Smith, in his efforts to bring the Kingstonian innings to a swift and humane end, resorted to the flight and guile of Street Performer and Medical Roleplayer Gibson. Smith was not disappointed. Gibson subjected Kingstonian’s lower order batsmen to a forensic examination with his high quality off-spinners and doosras. In just 8 balls Gibson accounted for the last two wickets. Hulcoop, for the second week running, executing an efficient stumping. Gibson is now blazing a trail as the club’s most successful bowler of 2012, with a bowling average of 1.66667. Even the great S.F. Barnes could not quite match such parsimonious figures. Your correspondent fervently hopes that the selection committee will take note.

Although Solicitor Griffiths and Psycho Branch both succumbed to Kingstonian’s opening bowler Tom (both lbw) early on, Blench and Rochford secured the victory with a series of straight and cover drives, some of which almost reached the new boundary rope.

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