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Match Reports for the Saturday Sixth ElevenSaturday 21st June 2007: away to Bank of England 4th X1 Dulwich 65 all out Bank of England 67 -0 Result: Dulwich lost by 10 wickets
As a friend of mine once said like a randy schoolboy with no arms we couldn’t even have beaten ourselves We certainly had them worried though, I’m sure I saw fear in their captain’s eyes. Granted this may well have had more to do with the testosterone level of one of our number and the proximity of an international junior tennis tournament at the new national tennis centre but he was definitely worried. This may be a good time to discuss the failure of British tennis, especially after another week of abject failure at Wimbledon and my theory on this. I apologise here if this gets through the rather rigorous editorial protocol of our beloved President and offends anyone. Basically you could tell who the English players were on Saturday and who weren’t and I don’t just mean because they were the ones leaving early and upholding our great tennis tradition of rolling over and blaming the system. What I mean is visually you could tell the difference. Our players were stocky, whiter than a Scottish person after two weeks in the sun and lacking in any discernibly athletic gate. This is quite the opposite of all the other players from various nation who were tall athletic and bronzed from the looks of things at Wimbledon this week this also extends into the adult game. So my theory I guess is to make all the English players get a tan, may not make them better but at least they’ll look good and feel better about themselves when the loose yet again to someone below them in the rankings. The above theory also seems to neatly explain our performance on the cricket pitch, fit, tanned tennis playing females + middle aged lecherous cricketers = distraction and under performance. Mention must go to Rochy “son of for” his highest score of the season (30) and an ability to resist the visual temptations that were present, although maybe this hints at a wider problem? Anyway they knocked off our awe inspiring total of 65 in 11 over’s so we could retire to the bar which was good of them and the President stayed behind to apparently be picked up by Mrs President “to go to a party” although I seem to remember reading somewhere that that was a Pete Doherty code line for checking into the nearby Priory Clinic As a friend of mine once said like a randy schoolboy with no arms we couldn’t even have beaten ourselves
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